Teabag


Teabag

Teabag - Teabag ©2001 Blue Meannie Records
1. Resisting Possession
2. Convicted
3. Mummity
4. Shadows
5. Earthbound
6. Sin Or Be Damned
7. Incantation
8. Projections

Kids, sit down and let me tell you a little bit about myself. I've always been a music addict. From the time I was a spritely boy, I've wanted to be part of the music world, preferrably, of course, in a raging heavy metal band. However, a couple experiences onstage trying to sing resulted in a realization that I had the voice that could impact an eardrum anywhere in the room. So what is the lesson that I learned, but completely escaped the attention of Teabag's "Ron" (who is smart enough not to use his full name)? I stayed off the goddamned stage, away from microphones and for god's sake, never allowed anyone to record my pitiful singing! I know I suck. Why doesn't Ron have the same personal insight?

Teabag is a four piece band from southern California who have honed their chops on the likes of Tool, Meshuggah and even prime old school thrash from the late 80s. The band uses a lot of chug-chug-meshug riffing, as well as occasionally progressive undertones. And then there's Ron. Imagine, if you will, someone doing a parody of Axl Rose doing a pisstake on prog metal singing. That's right. Anytime you throw in Axl Rose for a comparison, things are just going to get very ugly. We're talking uglier than C.C. DeVille after Poison folded. Ron's singing is utterly some of the most obnoxious and offensively ear splitting drivel I've heard in a long, long time. Chances are I've blocked out the last singer who was this bad. And hopefully I will erase the memories of suffering through this CD once I complete the review. And it's a darn shame, because without Ron's blaring and bleating, Teabag is an above average recording with some snappy potential to develop into something very impressive. But when Ron insists upon wailing away at high notes, warbling with that thin, nasally voice, I feel as though someone decided to take a rusty tire iron and drive it through my forehead. What really surprises me about Teabag is that no one, whether within the band or in their immediate circle of friends, ever was objective enough to pull someone aside and say, "You know, you got a great band, but seriously, that vocalist is ruining everything you're doing."

Fortunately, when trying to access the website listed in the CD liner notes, there was no trace of information on this band, possibly suggesting they've broken up since this album's release. With any luck, Ron has found a very stable, time consuming and rewarding career that will keep him far away from microphones. Perhaps a morning commute to work will help him deal with the urge to sing in the safety of his own car, with the windows tightly shut. I'm certain Ron is a nice guy, but Teabag is a ruined mess due to his contributions.

Review by John Chedsey

Review date: 02/2004

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